This month marks six years that I received my reoccurrence diagnosis. This one hit harder, this one was scarier, this one felt like there was absolutely no hope!!  I of course have followed the IBC Facebook page since my initial diagnosis in December of 2016.  So I knew the prognosis was poor. When I asked the dr if I would live to see my second grandchild (first granddaughter) be born, he avoided eye contact, hung his head and said “I cannot promise you that”.

Head spinning, stomach turning and heart pounding.  Again, my family and friends would have to travel a road with me that nobody wants to go down! CANCER!! This time though it looked as if the darkness would win, and death was the only way out!

After some discussion with the doctor about what was going to happen next, we began to rally our team once again. That night we had many visitors, we prayed together, and I began a list of things in my head that needed to be done. (You know the things you want to do before you die)

The next morning I messaged Terry Arnold the Founder of the IBC Network Foundation, she messaged back immediately and told me she would call me back, she was on the freeway and needed to pull over. When she called back I was crying and I know she could barely understand me when I said “I don’t want to die”.  She asked me for some details and told me I needed to get to MD Anderson as soon I could.  Of course, this seemed impossible to me, we did not have the finances to get there. After explaining this to a friend she told me that we are throwing me a benefit. Within three weeks, they put together a benefit that would raise enough money to get my husband and I to Texas in hopes to be entered into a clinical trial. Until this time, I totally had no clue what clinical trials involved, the processes that were to take place and the extent of time, money and effort that would be involved.

There were several steps to get the ball rolling, forms to fill out, doctors to see, tests to be run, I must be quite truthful. The entire process was extremely overwhelming for both Rob and I.  Neither one of us had medical backgrounds, and all the information that was handed over to us was almost more than both of us could handle.  Our first visit to MDA was in September 2018. At this point I did not qualify for a trial. After several visits to Texas, and also a Hail Mary treatment plan done at home, I ended up qualifying for a trial that began on January 27 of 2019.

There are so many things involved in the trial process, many visits, phone calls, insurance situations. Oh yes, and did I mention arranging flights, hotel rooms, and transportation to and from the airport?

Here I am almost 8 years from my original diagnosis and six years from my reoccurrence diagnosis, and cancer still scares me! In the beginning, I thought cancer would ruin my life, yes, it changed my life, but it did not ruin my life.

Every day I wake up now I thank God just because I am alive! I see things differently, colors are brighter, giggles from my grandchildren are louder, the sun is warmer, the rain is more refreshing, a phone call from a friend or from my sister is more welcomed, my husband’s bad dad jokes are just a little bit funnier, a smile from a stranger means more, dessert is sweeter, music, and dancing are everyday activities, I never give up a chance to dance!

By participating in the trial at MD Anderson, I am alive with no evidence of disease based on my recent scans! I’m not saying that cancer doesn’t still scare me because it does. The facts are out there that inflammatory breast cancer (IBC) is vicious, it’s aggressive, and in the back of my mind, I fear that it will someday take my life!

Until that day comes, I am going to take charge of my life, I’m going to praise God, I’m going to help others by telling my story!

My oncology team was very helpful in coordinating my care and guiding me through the entire process. They weren’t only informative and professional, but they treated me with respect and dignity!  They cared about my health care, my emotional state, they educated me in terms that I could understand, and they made me feel as if my life was worth fighting for!

I am here today because of so many people, my husband, mom, sister, my daughters, sons, sons-in-law, friends, neighbors, community members, church family and 5 small little people that call me GiGi.  I am here today because of strangers that I have met along the way people in the airport, restaurants, and doctors’ office waiting rooms. I am here because of a dedicated Oncology staff at both MD Anderson and also in my hometown, Dr Valero, Dr. Renno and their teams, Angela Alexander (was my trial coordinator and basically has held my hand through all of this for the last six years-she is truly special, and I call her friend!)

After traveling back-and-forth to Houston every other week for 5 1/2 years, the trial that I was involved with has ended. Again, through coordination of both Oncology offices in Houston and here at home I have been able to continue treatment in my hometown. No more frequent flyer miles for me! 

I do struggle frequently with survivors’ guilt. Just the other day I made a list of those I know that have gone before me because of a cancer diagnosis. Just since I was diagnosed, I came up with 52 people that have directly touched my life.  It is so important that research continues, and trials are funded. 

I’m not sure what my purpose truly is or why “I” was given a chance to stay here on this side of heaven. My pastor told me “We don’t always get to know our purpose, but God knows!”. “It may not be a great big, huge plan that changes the entire world, it may be a “hello” a smile or a hug!”