Getting cancer puts a lot of things into perspective. Things you took for granted are suddenly precious; situations that you would get caught up in and stress about are not that important anymore; you are humbled by force.

Right before I got diagnosed, I was facing a burnout with anxiety and exhaustion. I definitely wasn’t happy, and I couldn’t find a way out. When I got diagnosed I blamed myself for not taking care of myself physically and mentally and not letting go emotionally.

But that slap in the face (as I like to refer to it) was a wake up call of sorts. It made me realign. I wasn’t shouting at my ducks to get in a row anymore. But I was asking them calmly to join me.

Some say I put on a brave face. And I definitely was faking it on some days. But in general, and I have said this loads of times, I had this feeling of “it’s not my time yet”. And I believed it and I still do.

And that feeling drove me into doing so many things I hadn’t dared, things I had forgotten how to and things I had neglected.

First was laughing. I started laughing with my whole body. Not just a lol expression on my face. My laugh is deep, I even throw my head back sometimes and let go and enjoy whatever made me laugh. It’s refreshing.

Next was spreading the love. I was always cautious when I would answer a message or an email, or the way I spoke and behaved with people. Always afraid of how they would perceive me and how I behaved. Now I sign my emails with “warmly, Aliki” and send messages with a heart emoji. I see people and ask them how they are and genuinely listen to them. I tell people I’m a hugger and (with permission always) going in for a hug. I’m unapologetic about showing that I care.

After that, come all the plans I have. I’m no longer living by and dreaming. I’m booking those trips, those plays and shows, arranging meet ups and so much more. We drove from the Netherlands to Greece and back the year I was declared NED, the year after that we went to Scotland. We just saw Phantom of the Opera with my husband, and we are making plans for our next summer adventure.

But the most important of all is my “carpe diem” attitude. I’m excited for the new day that comes. I have things to do and places to be. And I enjoy them and I’m happy. And no, this is not toxic positivity. I really do find joy.

My children and my husband make me smile daily. I enjoy my work and have the best colleagues one could ask for. My friends and family surround me. My health is steady and I feel really good.

Because sometimes, when I lie awake at night, I panic and feel the terror sipping through. When I’m about to have a scan or a blood test, I worry and think of all the worst-case scenarios. The voices of doctors, the words on the Internet, all of them saying I am doomed one way or another, come back to haunt me.

So I remind myself that it’s not my time yet. Because I believe it. And making plans is proof of that. Even if, when I make those plans, a little voice in my mind goes “let’s hope you’ll be around for that”. I tell myself that I will be around for that. And for the next and more.

Because I am excited for every new day.

Every time, it’s a new day, and it’s always one that I haven’t seen before.