When I was first diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer, the weight of the news was almost unbearable. The thought of facing such a deadly disease was terrifying, but it wasn’t the fear of dying that crushed me the most. What truly broke my heart was the fear of not being here for my children. The thought of missing out on their lives, not being there to watch them grow, to guide them, and to share in their joys and sorrows—it’s a pain that is deep and relentless.

To calm these fears, I’ve worked hard to focus on the present and on making lasting memories with my children. I try not to put things off or wait until they’re older to travel or to experience life together. We save where we can, but we prioritize spending on what’s important to us now. I’ve also created a short legacy video for my family that I hope to be here to watch with them many years from now. Writing these letters has been another way for me to share the life lessons I’ve learned that I want to pass onto my children.

I’m sharing this process with my IBC community as it has been helpful to me, and I hope that it helps someone else who may be struggling with similar fears. 

My Dearest Cameron, Ciara and Penelope:

As I sit down to write these letters, I find myself thinking about all the moments we’ve shared—the big ones that shaped our lives and the small ones that make every day a little brighter. I want to share with you some of the lessons I’ve learned on this journey, lessons I hope will guide you, comfort you, and inspire you long after these words have been read.

Letter 1: On Love

My Greatest Loves,

From the moment I knew I was going to be your mom, my heart expanded in ways I never thought possible. The four happiest days of my life were my wedding day and the days each of you was born—moments that filled my heart to the brim and made everything in life feel complete. Watching the love you have for each other makes my heart swell with pride and joy. The love I feel for each of you is beyond words, beyond measure. It’s a love that is deeper than any ocean, higher than any mountain, and brighter than any star. It will be with you every step of your life, no matter where I am.

I want you to always remember that my love is like a light—a light that will guide you when things get dark, that will warm you when you feel cold, and that will always remind you of how special you are. You are my greatest joy, my most cherished blessing, and my whole world! Every smile, every laugh, every tear—every moment we’ve shared has etched itself into my soul. Never doubt for a second how deeply you are loved. And when you feel alone or hurt, when people have let you down, when the world feels too big or too scary, just close your eyes and know that my love is wrapping around you, keeping you safe. Always carry that love with you, and let it remind you to love yourselves just as deeply.

Letter 2: On Strength

My Brave Ones,

Life isn’t always easy, and there will be times when it feels like the world is against you, times when you’ll be so angry you can scream and lash out at those you love the most. I’ve learned that strength doesn’t always look like being tough or unbreakable. Sometimes, strength is in the quiet persistence, in the willingness to face another day even when it’s hard. It’s in the tears you shed because they help you heal, and in the courage it takes to ask for help.

It feels so unfair how much strife and loss you’ve had to face at such a young age, but the resilience and courage you’ve shown throughout it all have been nothing short of inspiring to me. Each of you is stronger than you know, my loves. It’s okay to be afraid, to feel lost—those are natural parts of being human. But I want you to always remember that you come from a long line of fighters. I know some people might feel uneasy about the word “fighters” because it can imply we could have done more, but I don’t feel that way. To me, being a fighter is about enduring, about holding on to hope and love, no matter what comes our way. When you feel like giving up, remember the strength that lives inside you. It’s the same strength that has carried me through my toughest days, and it will carry you too. I am so very proud of each of you and how brave you already are!

Letter 3: On Joy

My Joyful Hearts,

In the midst of life’s challenges, it can be all too easy to lose sight of the joy that surrounds us. But joy is what makes life beautiful, even in the hardest times. It’s in the laughter we share, the games we play, the stories we tell. It’s in the simple things—a sunny day, a kind word. It’s indulging in a sweet treat after dinner, skipping school for our special days, making smores up at the trailer, impromptu water fights, or staying up just a little too late to watch a movie together.

I want you to seek out joy, to find it even when it feels hidden. Life is too short not to embrace every moment of happiness that comes your way. Dance in the rain, sing at the top of your lungs, laugh until your sides hurt. Surround yourself with people who bring you joy and share in these moments with you. These are the moments that will carry you through the tough times, the memories that will light up your life.

Before my diagnosis, I was someone who often held onto the small things—the daily stresses, the toxic negativity that crept into my life. I didn’t realize it then, but I was letting these trivial worries consume me, possibly even contributing to my illness. IBC forced me to confront my life in a way I never had before, and in doing so, it gifted me with a new lens through which I now view the world. I want more than anything for you to carry this joy with you throughout your lives, to cherish the happiness that surrounds you, and to live each day with a heart full of love and laughter.

Letter 4: On Hope

My Hopeful Souls,

Hope is a powerful thing. It’s what keeps us moving forward, even when the path is unclear. I want you to always hold on to hope, even when things seem impossible. Hope isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about making the most of the days we have and believing that better days are ahead, that no matter how dark the night, the sun will rise again.

I’ve faced many dark days on this journey, but I’ve never let go of hope. It’s what helps me see the beauty in life, even when it’s hard. I used to be afraid of hope, expecting the worst to manage my expectations, but cancer has taught me that while I may truly fear the worst, there is an uplifting power in embracing hope. I want you to always keep that light burning inside you. When you feel lost, when you’re unsure of what to do, let hope be your guide. It will lead you to where you need to be.

Letter 5: On Living Fully

My Precious Ones,

Life is a gift, a beautiful, messy, unpredictable gift. I want you to live it fully, to embrace it with both arms. Don’t be afraid to take risks, to make mistakes, to fail—because that’s how you grow. I can’t tell you how many mistakes I’ve made in life, but what’s important is how you learn from them. Don’t be embarrassed or make excuses, take ownership and responsibility and learn from every experience, and let it shape you into the incredible person you are meant to be.

I hope to be here at your side to see every milestone, but we don’t know what the future holds, and even if I cannot be here, I will always be with you in spirit, cheering you on. I want you all to live your life with passion, with kindness, and with love. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, who make you laugh, and who love you for who you are. Remember our cruise, where every day was a new adventure—swimming with dolphins, holding iguanas and parrots, doing the ropes course, and riding the roller coaster on top of the ship! That’s what life should feel like—an adventure full of wonder, discovery, and joy.

In Closing:

My Beautiful, Sweet Children,

These letters are just a tiny piece of what I want to share with you. My greatest wish is for you to be truly happy and that you grow up knowing how deeply you are loved and how proud I am to be your mother. No matter where life takes us, I will always be with you—in your hearts, in your memories, in the love that will never fade.

I often joke about trying to press your belly buttons as “stop growing buttons” because as much as I want to savor every moment of your childhood, I also look forward to watching you grow into the beautiful, kind-hearted individuals that you are already becoming. I’m doing my best to make the most of every day we have together, creating memories that will last a lifetime. And no matter what happens, I want you to know that you have been, and always will be, my greatest joy and my most precious gift.

So, my loves, live fully, love deeply, and find joy in every day. This life is yours to create, and I have every confidence that you will make it as beautiful as you are.