I would have never guessed that in 2017 my life would change, do a complete 180 and then turn into one of the greatest blessings. To say my cancer journey started out easy, simple, or clear cut would be a lie. It was long, full of misinformation, being pushed off, dismissed, and made to feel like I was crazy for knowing something was wrong.
It started in 2016 around November. I was feeling something off, my right breast was large and felt solid. I called twice to my new obgyn who had taken over. At the time my now ex-husband and I were trying to have children and I was told it was my body’s way of preparing for pregnancy. I kept pushing and was told to come in for my annual exam. Once there I was dismissed, even when I pointed it out, I was told one side is always bigger. I was 36, both grandparents had breast cancer and I am of Ashkenazi Jewish decent. I was told I was fine, nothing to worry about. No mammogram ordered. When you are young you trust your doctors. So, home I went believing nothing was wrong. Fast forward one month to pain under my arm and off to urgent care, to be asked if I was breastfeeding and once again dismissed with a casual follow up with your primary. Thank God for that man who sent me for testing, although shocked by the casual “looks like cancer” from the technician as she casually left the room and telling me to go back to the doctor. I now know how hard you must be your own advocate, and no one will fight harder for answers than you will, you will become a heat seeking missile.
From local doctors spending way too much time testing, to being told I had 6 months to live, I became my champion and worst enemy. A person drowning in quicksand trying to make sense out of this. All I know is God took over. At one appointment I was itchy, and as I well know itchy is a sign of IBC. Perfect timing and it set off a chain of events that took me to a rush appointment at MD Anderson and to Dr. Valero, Dr. Woodward, and Dr. Lucci, the team that showed me and proved to me that they would not give up and treat me with the intention of curing and living, not just making it 6 months, maybe a year.
What I had no idea of at the time was how this would change me to my very core. It pushed me every chance it could, tested my resolve to live. It also brought out a new version of me, one that was hidden deep inside. I have been on adventures, made new friends, deepened my faith, found a love for life, and the courage to leave the life that was holding me back, choosing to relocate to RI and Dr. Giordano at Dana Farber who is one of the kindest doctors and once again treats me as if I am living for a long time, and start living my life on my terms. To follow my dreams, to let go of things that were holding me back, to forge a new path forward of saying yes to opportunities and worrying less about others’ opinions.
So, while cancer yes you may try to kill me daily, you unknowingly gave me my life back.
