Once we receive that IBC diagnosis, we immediately begin to learn how the cancer has affected our bodies…and pretty quickly, we begin to discover how it affects our minds and emotions as well. For me, the rollercoaster of emotions, including fear, uncertainty, hope and determination, was sometimes (okay…often) overwhelming and I’ll bet it has also been that way for you and your loved ones. We simply have no choice except to hang on for the bumpy ride, so having solid, helpful tools to manage our mental health can make all the difference in how we experience this time in our lives.

In the last “Quicksand” edition, I promised you a Mental Health, First-Aid Toolkit, so let’s get started!

Those wildly crazy emotions that come with a cancer diagnosis can be completely crazy-making. At the very least, they can kill the joy in our days and zap whatever energy we have left.

Since managing our mental health during a physical health complication can feel tricky, I’m going to break it down in a way that hopefully makes it feel like something you can and will do.

Have you ever gone to one of those restaurants where you pick from a list, one appetizer, one entree, and one dessert?

Well, we’re going to create a similar menu for you of different types of helpful tools you can use for different reasons during this time. A bonus is, you will see that this process will work throughout your life, no matter what outside circumstance you are facing.

The “Appetizer” in your Mental Health Menu is something you will do that will help calm your activated nervous system. This is extremely important. When our brain perceives that we are under some kind of threat, it reacts by sending out the message to the rest of the brain and the body, that it needs to gear up for action. That’s fine if we are about to fight an intruder or run from a bear, but facing a new scan, waiting to receive results, wondering how we are going to pay for the next medication, or just worrying about whether the treatment is working will all cause our sympathetic nervous system to fire off, and that is what results in that sickening, anxious feeling that you get…and we all hate!

The reason this piece is so important is that when our nervous system has fired off and has become dysregulated, it is virtually impossible for us to think clearly to a place of calm. That’s because the “higher order/problem solving” part of our brain kind of goes offline when our nervous system has become dysregulated. We literally cannot think.

So, for your “Appetizer,” you will want to pick one of the following things that are proven to settle our dysregulated nervous system. Enjoy this treat, the moment you realize you are upset or are about to be upset. It will go a very long way toward helping you experience more peace and less chaos.

Which of these “Appetizer” selections feels most comfortable to you?

• Take a quick walk, preferably outside, but walking on a treadmill or quickly through your house will work too.
• Take a jog or a run outside.
• Take a bike ride.
• Jump on a rebounder.
• Dancercise
• Any other exercise that forces you to use your arms and/or legs.
• Do deep breathing exercises. For these, breathe in deeply to a count of 4, taking air into the lower parts of your lungs (place your hands on your lower ribcage to help you feel the deep breath), hold your breath for another count of 4, then breathe out slowly, to a count of 8. Do this sequence 3 times.
• Tapping (This is my personal favorite.) Tapping reduces the stress hormone, cortisol, by 43%. I will be glad to teach this in a group Zoom meeting if anyone is interested. Also, you can Google, “How to Tap Jessica Ortner,” to get great instructional videos. The Tapping Solution app is my favorite go-to to help with tapping.

The “Entrée” in your Mental Health Menu is what you will use to feed and strengthen your nervous system regularly. These menu selections can be done anytime, and the more you do them, the more they continue to help you maintain your sense of peace and calm. Ideally, if you enjoy one of these entrees right after your “appetizer,” the two will work hand in hand to help you calm yourself as well as help you problem solve your situation and change your mind set about the problem.

Which of these could you add regularly into your schedule?

• Journaling
• Gratitude jar or journal
• Mindfulness Meditation (The Headspace app is an excellent tool to help you learn this kind of meditation. If you already have it, check out the “Managing Anxiety” section. It is extremely helpful.)
• Any meditative craft such as painting, coloring, knitting, crocheting, or needlework.
• Reading
• Acupuncture
• Massage
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Unlike the sweet you may like after a meal, The “Desserts” we get to choose from in our Mental Health Menu, are all good for us and ideally, will become a part of our daily life…unlike cakes, cookies and pies, literally, the more of these we add I our lives, the better! Here are some general instructions that will add strength to you as you walk through life with IBC.

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions when facing cancer diagnosis and treatment. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up, whether it’s fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, or something entirely different. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step towards processing them. Once acknowledged, journaling or tapping about them can be especially helpful.
• Connect with Support Systems: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and healthcare professionals who can provide emotional support and understanding. Joining support groups or online communities with fellow cancer patients can also offer valuable solidarity and shared experiences. The IBC Network Community is a growing group of IBC sisters, who desire to help their own journey while they connect with and support others on the same path. If the family and friend group you have is not especially supportive, lean on your sisters for emotional support during this time.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this challenging time. All cancer treatments can be physically and emotionally exhausting, but IBC treatment is especially difficult, so prioritize self-care activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Whether it’s taking a warm bath, listening to soothing music, or indulging in your favorite hobby, make time for self-compassion.
• Stay Informed, but Limit Information Overload: Educate yourself about IBC and treatment options to empower yourself in decision-making. However, be mindful of information overload, which can contribute to anxiety and overwhelm. Seek reliable sources of information, such as the IBC Network Foundation and set boundaries around how much news and medical information you consume.
• Maintain Routine and Structure: IBC treatment is a major disruptor to our regular routines, so it can lead to feelings of instability. Establishing a sense of routine and structure can provide a sense of stability and control amidst uncertainty. Set small goals for each day and prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. In the places that it is possible, try to keep your schedule as routine as possible.
• Seek Professional Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who specializes in supporting cancer patients. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, develop coping strategies, and navigate the emotional complexities of cancer diagnosis, treatment, and beyond.  Also, if you are having emotional upheaval that you find difficult to deal with, with these suggestions, you might want to consider anti-anxiety medication for the short term. Many sisters (including me) have found great relief from anti-anxiety meds during treatment. Again, speak to your doctor about this.

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. By incorporating these tools into your daily life, you can nurture your mental and emotional well-being while facing the challenges of IBC with courage and resilience. These tools will also go with you beyond your issue with IBC and are useful for whatever other stressors you may face in life. Take one step at a time and remember to be gentle with yourself along the way. We’re all in this together.